Sunday, January 18, 2009

Cancelled 2004-2005 NHL to be Played Retroactively on 'NHL 2005' for PlayStation 2

AIKEN—In a major announcement Friday, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced that the locked-out 2004-2005 NHL season will be played, start to finish, on Playstation 2. “Though the NHL has rebounded admirably from the unfortunate lockout,” Bettman noted, “there is still a gap in our record book that must be filled. While I wish we could go back in time and play those games, that idea is, for various reason, untenable. To that end, I am glad to present the ‘NHL-PS2 Virtual Season Intitiative.” While the announcement that the season would be played on the best-selling hockey platform NHL 2005 was shocking enough, Bettman also took the opportunity to announce that he had hired twenty year old Taylor “T-Dog” Wells, a sophomore at the University of South Carolina-Aiken, to play the season. In defense of his choice, Bettman explained “the NHL, more than any other league, is about the average fan. I can see no better example of the average fan than Mr. Wells, an avid Hurricanes fan, a purchaser of official NHL licensed merchandise, and an American.” Bettman announced that Wells was scheduled to begin the season in early March and finish no later than midterms.

Also in the news:

Bill Romanowski throws football at wife's crotch during phone bill spat, page 2

Rafael Palmeiro to Congress: "I am not, nor have I ever been, Rafael Palmeiro", page 7

Badminton player tired of "shuttlecock" jokes, page 14

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